After six months of work, the Politburo demanded an interim progress report. Let's look at the amazing achievements of our Party after the revolution. Nobody trusted him even with a snowdrift in wintertime, as he would steal anything his gaze fell upon. The shelves are empty, but nobody starves; nobody starves, but everybody is unhappy; everybody is unhappy, but nobody complains; nobody complains, but the jails are full.

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The jokes give us unprecedented, secret insight into the attitudes of Russians towards their lives. And after one more five-year plan is completed, every family will own an airplane! He tells the customs man: "This is a new Soviet watch. You see, it shows time, the rate of your pulse beats, the phases of the Moon, the weather in Warsaw, Moscow, and New York, and more and more!

Were answering: We had to make some changes in our staff. You had to lock yourself in your bedroom, hide under two, or better three covers, place a pillow, or better two pillows on top of the blankets over your head, and then whisper whatever your soul wishes about the dictator, strictly adhering to a five-minute limit. "A Polish tourist comes back home after visiting the USSR. "An old wench waited for two hours to get in a bus.

" One applicant answered, "The same as to my wife." To the request to elaborate, the applicant explained, "First, I love her; second, I fear her; third, I wish I had another one."Bedbugs appeared in the house occupied by the secretary of the region Party committee.

The Party boss summoned an expert on insects and asked him how to get rid of bedbugs.

Afterwards one of us is in a hospital, and the other nine visit him there.""That's nothing," the Frenchman said. We throw dice and each one of us gets a girl, and we make love to them throughout the night.

Afterwards one of us is in a hospital, and the other nine visit him."The Russian said, "We gather in an apartment, even though we know that one of us must be an informer.

If, though, the situation in the USSR happened to be bad, and John would be afraid of writing the truth, he wo In three months John sent his first report. The officials at the passport office said, "Then why won't your brother rather come over here?

"To alleviate the perennial shortages of butter, The Politburo of the Communist Party ordered the Soviet scientists to develop a technology for converting shit into butter, and to complete this project on or before the anniversary of the Great October Socialist Revolution. An illiterate peasant woman, she had but one dress and no shoes. She is an exemplary milkmaid known over the entire region. He was the poorest man in this village, had no horse, no cow, and even no axe. He is a tractor driver, and has two pairs of shoes! He was a nasty hooligan, a lowest drunkard, a dirty gadabout. The plan is fulfilled, but the shelves in the stores are empty.

First, only John would go to Russia to test the waters. There is only one small thing of which there's shortage, namely red ink."A Jew applied for a visa to leave for America.