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This situation underlines the importance of checking in with one's spouse or partner about the various aspects of long-term relationships: finances, in-laws, jobs, children (if any), housekeeping, plans, and sex. So, even though you said your vows and have been together for a while, it sounds like the topic of online chatting and surfing porn sites never came up.

People assume that because they are with a person they know pretty well, they also know how their mate feels about these topics. Sit down with your husband to have this discussion.

First, your husband offers an explanation for his behavior that is possible, but not highly believable.

Unless he informed you or gave you the chance to participate in these activities, it was not an honest act on his part.

I discovered that he's been surfing porn sites and going to chat rooms to have sex with other women online.

When I confronted him, he didn't understand why I was upset.

Evaluate yourself as well: Have you been shutting him out sexually? In either case, talk about what sexual fulfillment means to both of you.