Later on we can get to the stuff that’s going to make me feel like a dope. When we have sex together, it feels like it’s all about how or when you get off and not about me, too. And I have been enjoying myself, just not all the time, and just not to the point where I’m feeling as good as you are, or getting to an orgasm, like you do.

You're saying some pretty hurtful things to me, and I don't feel like you're being very considerate of my feelings. It’s just that lately I haven’t been in the mood for sex at all. And I know it does, which is why I’m trying to finally talk about it. It’s not about you being a jerk or being bad in bed.

We’re having sex together, so any problems I’m having like this are supposed to be things you care about, too. I wish I was, but I’ve just been so stressed out, these antidepressants are doing a serious number on me, and I also think I’m just feeling unresolved with where we’re at with other parts of our relationship lately. You: I just didn’t want you to feel bad, and I don’t know how to tell you when it’s happening. You: I’m sorry: I can understand you being so upset with me and feeling like that. It’s just that, for starters, I need you to put less pressure on me to orgasm.

I’m still feeling kind of funny about all of this, and it might take me a little time to feel really comfortable again with sex, but I would like to talk about what you like for the next time, and I’m really sorry you felt like you had to pretend. You: I’m cool going to the bedroom if you want to, but I don’t feel like it’s time for me to step things up yet. Them: But we’ve been going out for a while now, it just feels right, and you’re so sexy right now. You: Hey, I’m glad you think I’m sexy: I think you’re hot, too.

And while I also really care about you, it doesn’t feel right for me yet. You: I’ve been thinking a lot about sex with you if it’s something you’d like to do with me, too.

And something is wrong right now: I don’t feel like you’re really considering me, and while I understand you might be feeling defensive, I need to be heard – more than your friends – if we’re going to keep having sex. It’s not my problem if normal sex doesn’t work for you.

What I am saying is that when you’re finished, most of the time I’m not, and I need you to either care more about that, or if you already do, to show me that you care by asking if I’m finished, and when I’m not, by asking what else I want to do. You: You know, this is a hard talk for me to have, too, but with you being this angry about it, I don’t feel like we can have it right now.

We can stop and start talking about it now if you want – so long as you understand I’m still not going to do it tonight – or we can keep doing what we were doing, or even just call it a night, but that’s it. I think it’s time to take things to the next level. You want to keep doing what we are, then, or want to just chill out? You: You know, I liked what we were doing, so if you’re cool, and we can keep it at that level, I’d like to keep doing that. I just want to let you know how I’m feeling, see how you’re feeling, and talk it over. Sorry to be so flustered, you just caught me off-guard. I do want to do that, too, I just didn’t know how to bring it up without making you feel uncomfortable. You: That’s okay: it feels a little uncomfortable for me to talk about it, too – I practiced saying this like eight times before you came over -- but I figure if I can’t be okay talking about it, I probably shouldn’t be doing it.

You: I’m cool going to the bedroom if you want to, but I don’t feel like it’s time for me to step things up yet. There’s also some things we should just sort out in advance, like, we’ve never talked about our sexual histories, or where we both see this relationship going these days.

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I mean, I think it’d be great if from now on, you asked me more about what I like, and I promise that from here on out, when you ask, I’ll tell the truth, even if I think it’ll make you less happy than you might be if I didn’t.