The pain will not end overnight, but you can expect to experience some dulling of its sharpness as you commit to the end of the relationship.

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it may not be possible to do it all at once, so if that is the case, you can do it multiple times until it sticks. You take down the pictures, get rid of the clothing and the possessions that remind you of him, you stop making phone calls and putting effort into trying to bring him back into your life, you work on filling in your empty nights with friends or projects, etc.

If you start behaving as though it is over, at some point it will be over.

It is much easier to let someone go when you’ve had some anticipatory time before the loss event to know that the loss is coming and to engage in some anticipatory grief.

In terms of what you should do, the advice I have to give is simple but hard to follow.

He would be with me when his kids started school again. He talked of long-term dreams, about our future house and trips we would take and having kids eventually. I became a Monday through Friday, nine to five girlfriend.

We were together nearly every day, as together as a hidden relationship allows you to be. I sat by, clinging to hope, and watched him as he bought new furniture with his wife. He hired a landscaper and started repairs on his house. Adults being as partnered up as they generally are, when you are suddenly alone, it is easy to feel terribly lonely, and to feel like a complete failure.The kind of grief associated with this loss is similar (certainly not the same) to the kind of grief that someone who was suddenly and unexpectedly widowed might experience. It seems he’s gone back to his ex wife although he denies that as being the reason he left. Claims to have gone through his own emotional disbelief & heartache since he too never thought he’d ever be gone.I was SO committed to this man & our relationship (a 2nd marriage for both of us). I have done everything I could to try to get my husband to rejoin me in counseling, attend a marriage retreat (he took his ex wife on a family vacation that week instead), listen to me profess how much value I held & how there was nothing I wouldn’t do to save us. I am still hanging on, still hoping, still praying, despite how much more ill I become each day.Then, one day and seemingly out of the blue, the partner who has detached from the relationship announces that he or she is leaving and that there is no possibility of further discussion; no ambivalence to play on; no possibility of salvaging things.