But I've been watching like 30 seconds and haven't seen any beat frequency! Person in Street: You know, from the beat frequency you can tell the difference in timing of the two signals. Character 2: So you're going to hack the census bureau and change the number of reported deaths? They think just 'cause they've got a nice building and laid back culture, I'm gonna want to come in all day long and work on fascinating problems with the smartest people in the world. I hear once you've worked there for 256 days they teach you the secret of levitation. A man sits at a computer, hand over the keyboard Computer: Okay, human. Computer: Before you hit 'compile,' listen up. build environment is grinning and holding a spatula. To Be Wanted Woman stands looking out on the bow of a ship Scene backs up. The boat with the woman is within a thought bubble Scene backs up. Here, at last, is a single, definitive standard: Girl standing to one side We've all seen The Matrix We've all joked about "What resolution is life? The woman holds up a graph.]] Woman: We're a terrible match. Brunette (wearing Hat Guy's Hat): So, you found me after all. Hat Guy: Because if you wanted to stay lost forever, you made one mistake Hat Guy sliding down a sheet of ice Hat Guy: You took my hat. Guy in room: I'm sorry, we're revoking your math license. I once lost my genetics, rocketry, and stripping licenses in a single incident. Guy: Couldn't you just loop the 15-second free sample 20 times and get basically the same thing? On the other hand, physicists like to say physics is to math as sex is to masturbation. SUV My Hobby: Renting an SUV and confusing the hell out of hybrid owners A man is pumping gas into a Prius at a gas station. Electric skateboards, by cost, get the equivalent of about 300 miles per gallon. Internet Argument Stick figure 2 is typing profanities into his computer A floating girl comes behind stick figure 1 The girl lifts stick figure 1 They are flying over mountains The girl and stick figure 1 are floating in front of stick figure 2 and his computer She sets stick figure 1 down in front of stick figure 2 and his computer The girl lifts stick figure 1 again They are flying The girl sets stick figure 1 down in his chair at his computer Stick figure 1 is typing at his computer Stick figure 2 is typing at his computer It's easier to be an asshole to words than to people. Panel 19: (Reference Comic 69) man and woman in bed, man saying "There must be taft slash fiction" I love weird pillow talk. Man throws boomerang Boomerang breaks out of the panel box Boomerang breaks out of a satellite, followed by the man An eternity later, the universe having turned out to have positive curvature and lots of mass, the boomerang hits him in the back of the head. The x-axis has a broken scale, and to the right of the break there is a very small increase in the graph that is parenthetically labeled "My Second Relationship".]] He continued, ' Okay, Bernanke is uncontaminated. Sleet Rainy, cold, windy street; girl is walking along street; narration is from girl's point-of-view Narrator: The weather outside is frightful. Micro SD Two figures approach a table Figure 1: Hey, what's up? A micro SD card sits next to an assortment of coins for size reference. Figure 1 (out of panel): So? Spirit rests in the middle of a vast Martian landscape. On January 26th, 2274 Mars days into the mission, NASA declared Spirit a 'stationary research station', expected to stay operational for several more months until the dust buildup on its solar panels forces a final shutdown. The narrator looks in a mirror, sees a half-pimpled face, and applies a treatment. The narrator is talking to a blonde and brunette friend, each with some pimples also. Narrator: Okay, you try the saucylic acid first. But the more I analyzed The narrator works at a computer r_0 = 0.20 r_1 = -0.61 r_2 = -0.83 the harder it became to defend my hypothesis.One stick figure stares at the other So, what, they turned you down? The Perfect Sound Two people are listening to music on a stereo Person 1: I'm telling you, listen right here to the sets of rising notes following the opening section. Person 1 indicates stereo Person 1: And then right here, the transition into the chorus. Diagram displaying IP addresses using Hibbert Curve Diagram showing IP ownership: 0: Local 1-2: Unallocated 3: General Electric 4: BB&N INC 5: Unallocated 6: Army AISC 7: Unallocated 8: BB&N INC 9: IBM 10: VPNs 11: Do D Intel 12: Bell Labs 13: Xerox 14: Public data nets 15: HP 16: DEC 17: Apple 18: MIT 19: Ford 20: CSC 21: DDN-RYN 22: DISA 23: Unallocated 24: Cable TV 25: UK Mo D 26: DISA 27: Unallocated 28: DSI 29-30: DISA 31: Unallocated 32: NORSK 33: DLA 34: Halliburton 35: Merit 36-37: Unallocated 38: PSI 39: Unallocated 40: Eli Lily 41: ARINIC 42: Unallocated 43: Japan INET 44: HAM Radio 45: INTEROP 46: BB&N INC 47: Bell North 48: Prudential 49-50: Unallocated 51: UK Social Security 52: du Pont 55: Boeing 56: USPS 57: SITA 58-61: Asia-Pacific 62: Europe 63-76: USA & Canada (contains: UUNET, Google, Digg, Slashdot, Ebay, Craigslist, XKCD, Flickr) 77-79: Europe (unused) 80-91: Europe 92-95: Unallocated 96-99: North America 100-120: Unallocated 121-125: Asia-Pacific 126: Japan 127: Loopback 128-132: Various Registrars 133: Japan 134-172: Various Registrars 173-189: Unallocated 188: Various 189-190: Latin America & Caribbean 191-192: Various (contains Private (RFC 1918) 193-195: Europe 196: Africa 197: Unallocated 198: US & Various 199: North America 200-201: Latin America & Carribbean 202-203: Asia-Pacific 204-209: North America (contains Suicide Girls, Boing Boing) 210-211: Asia-Pacific 212-213: Europe 214-215: U. Department of Defense 216: North America (Contains Myspace, Something Awful) 217: Europe 218-222: Asia-Pacific 223: Unallocated 224-239: Multicast 240-255: Unallocated For the IPv6 map just imagine the XP default desktop picture. I wrote a command to jiggle the mouse pointer every couple minutes to keep it from going idle. Linux has problems, but it gives you the tools to deal with them - and save your date! Computer: You know when you're falling asleep, and you imagine yourself walking or something, and suddenly you misstep, stumble, and jolt awake? Computer: Well, that's what a segfault feels like. The thought bubble comes from a person sitting at a computer in an office]] Scene repeated for the next frame Scene backs up. " But it doesn't blunt the shock Of waking up one morning Hat Guy swipes hat off of Brunette Hat Guy puts it on his head while sliding Hat Guy: You took my hat. Hat guy walking away Brunette left standing there Oh, and, uh, if the Russian government asks, that submarine was always there. Techno Guy looking over girl's shoulder while girl is clicking her mouse with her other hand on her chin Guy: Wait, you're buying techno on i Tunes? I don't know what's worse -- that there exists broken-hard-drive-sound techno, or that it's not half bad. The Man Who Fell Sideways A man standing, with a dotted line perpendicular to him and a 30 degree angle going downwards Narrator: From a young age, gravity pulled him wrong. Baby bouncing rolling out of hospital Baby: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE Baby bouncing rolling in front of a sunset Baby: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Narrator: The End Strip originally conceived in conversation with Jeph Jacques. Stove Ownership Hand-drawn Graph is shown, on the Y axis, My Overall Health, on the X axis, Time. How it Happened Another man drives up alongside in an SUV and leans out the window $4.08 M: $4.38 P: $4.51 D: $4.85 My Problem: Thinking Ahead SUV Driver: Check out those prices! Thinking Ahead man speaking to woman Man: She's cute. Panel 20: (Reference Comic 49, 279, 317) Caption Above Comic I love your sister. One-Sided The Spirit rover is on the surface of Mars. Sometimes my conversations with strangers go on for a while before I realize that they're talking on their phones. Find a crossbow and get him into position behind one of the columns at the Fed entrance. Narrator: I hate trudging through the icy slush and biting sleet. Figure 2 (out of panel): I dunno, high storage densities freak me out. Girl (off-panel): It's like we're back in 2003! Spirit Day 1 of 90 A banner flutters in the breeze, evidently attached to the elevator it mentions in its text. In science, you can't publish results you know are wrong and you can't withhold them because they're not the ones you wanted.

Spirit (thinking): 89 days to go! - Cricket - Magic: the Gathering - Stickball - Agricola - Jumanji Nonexistent (n = 0) - Poohsticks - Podracing - Iterated Prisoner's Dilemma - Chess by Mail - Conway's Game of Life HOW ABOUT A NICE GAME OF STRIP GLOBAL THERMONUCLEAR WAR? Shear Strength A man sits at a computer, hand over the keyboard Stereo: Oh Mickey, you so fine, you so fine you blow my mind, hey Mickey! The upper left section shows the blocks sold directly to corporations and coverments in the 1990's before the RIRs took over allocation. (Things like 'car' and 'boating' and such are of course the highest, by a huge margin.) Redwall Notes from reading redwall books for the first time since childhood. Redwall: "By Satan's whiskers..." Redwall mentions God, Jesus 0 times. It's silly to assume the intended recipient will be the only one to find and solve them. Compiler Complaint Woman stands looking out on the bow of a ship Computer: Okay, human. Computer: Before you hit 'compile,' listen up. build environment is grinning and holding a spatula. To Be Wanted Scene backs up. The boat with the woman is within a thought bubble Scene backs up. Here, at last, is a single, definitive standard: Girl standing to one side SYMBOL | NAME | SIZE | NOTES k B | Kilobyte | 1024 bytes OR 1000 bytes | 1000 bytes during leap years, 1024 otherwise KB | Kelly-Bootle standard unit | 1012 bytes | compromise between 10 bytes Ki B | Imaginary kilobyte | 1024 sqrt(-1) bytes | used in quantum computing kb | Intel kilobyte | 1023.937528 bytes | calculated on Pentium F. Morning Hat Guy sliding down a sheet of ice We've all seen The Matrix We've all joked about "What resolution is life? The woman holds up a graph.]] Woman: We're a terrible match. Brunette (wearing Hat Guy's Hat): So, you found me after all. Hat Guy: Because if you wanted to stay lost forever, you made one mistake A man is pumping gas into a Prius at a gas station. Electric skateboards, by cost, get the equivalent of about 300 miles per gallon. Internet Argument Stick figure 2 is typing profanities into his computer A floating girl comes behind stick figure 1 The girl lifts stick figure 1 They are flying over mountains The girl and stick figure 1 are floating in front of stick figure 2 and his computer She sets stick figure 1 down in front of stick figure 2 and his computer The girl lifts stick figure 1 again They are flying The girl sets stick figure 1 down in his chair at his computer Stick figure 1 is typing at his computer Stick figure 2 is typing at his computer man and woman in bed, man saying "There must be taft slash fiction" It's easier to be an asshole to words than to people. Panel 19: (Reference Comic 69) Man throws boomerang Boomerang breaks out of the panel box I love weird pillow talk. Boomerang breaks out of a satellite, followed by the man Rainy, cold, windy street; girl is walking along street; narration is from girl's point-of-view An eternity later, the universe having turned out to have positive curvature and lots of mass, the boomerang hits him in the back of the head. The x-axis has a broken scale, and to the right of the break there is a very small increase in the graph that is parenthetically labeled "My Second Relationship".]] He continued, ' Okay, Bernanke is uncontaminated. Sleet Two figures approach a table Narrator: The weather outside is frightful. Micro SD A micro SD card sits next to an assortment of coins for size reference. Figure 1: Hey, what's up? Spirit rests in the middle of a vast Martian landscape. Figure 1 (out of panel): So? The narrator looks in a mirror, sees a half-pimpled face, and applies a treatment. On January 26th, 2274 Mars days into the mission, NASA declared Spirit a 'stationary research station', expected to stay operational for several more months until the dust buildup on its solar panels forces a final shutdown. The narrator is talking to a blonde and brunette friend, each with some pimples also. The narrator works at a computer Narrator: Okay, you try the saucylic acid first. But the more I analyzed desolate badlands landscape with an imposing sun in the sky r_0 = 0.20 r_1 = -0.61 r_2 = -0.83 the harder it became to defend my hypothesis.

]]

Gone with the Wind It's commonly known that too much perspective can be a downer. A: A girl whose only mode of transportation is the M. A man is sitting on a couch, talking to another man. The two rocks have moved; an after-image of their previous placement is present The raptors will run toward you. ' Sandwich A man is pointing at a line graph at a specific point where it slopes down. He should be better soon -- now that the Apple Store is getting rid of DRM, Cory Doctorow will get rid of his Steve Jobs voodoo doll. At the bottom of the hill, sled has stopped Narrator: ...another instant ticks by. ' Tell me,' he purred seductively, as he and Obama formed a more perfect union. ' Decline Girls takes the kindle Guy: I don't know. The top of the kindle says "Amazon Kindle" Girl: Which reminds me -- our anniversary is coming up. LISTEN - I' M STARTING TO THINK WE SHOULD ONLY TAKE THESE BREAKS AT HALFTIME. They said a team of chess players coached by someone with no understanding of basketball would never be competitive in the NBA! Neutrality Schmeutrality Trivia: It's possible to create events which Wikipedia cannot cover neutrally Man in Hat: In a week, I will be donating $1,000,000 to a recipient determined by the word count of the Wikipedia article about this event. Girl scratches at the top Two EMTs are rushing Darth Vader away from a front door on a stretcher. There is a room with a desk in the foreground and a full-length mirror in the corner.

The cuboids hang in the air with no visible means of support. Top of "kindle": Hitchhiker's Guid... Force Several stick figures stand side by side in a lineup. Man, why are all my relationships ruined by early 90's rappers? Quirky Girls B stands beside A They are six-legged spiders Serenity is coming out tomorrow Caption: My Hobby: mispronouncing Words Hat Guy: Do you like my centrifuge, Mister Bond? Simply construct Newton's laws into a rotating system and you will see a centrifugal force term appear as plain as day. Bond: Come now, do you really expect me to do coordinate substitution in my head while strapped to a centrifuge? Remember, raptors run at 10 m s and they do not know fear. Science Fair Although it caught me by surprise at the time, looking back I understand why my senior science fair project went over as badly as it did. There is a screencap of Google's front page with the following entries suggested for autocompletion in the search box: velociraptors site:"jurassic park" raptors dromaeosaurids utahraptor "home depot" deadbolts security home improvement surviving a raptor attack robert bakker paleontologist robert bakker "possible raptor sympathizer" site:en.surviving a raptor attack learning from mistakes in jurassic park big-game rifles tire irons treating raptor wounds do raptors fear fire how to make a molotov cocktail do raptors fear death can raptors pick locks how to tell if my neighbors are raptors] B: The infinite possibilities each day holds should stagger the mind. A pain down in her soul, the same as the one down in mine. Person 1: The police light played through her mohawk like the sun setting through pine trees as she shoveled the third hooker into the trunk of the camry... Two Hedwig references, an obscure Joey Comeau reference, and a girl with a mohawk. Mispronouncing Man is in a classroom setting, girl and professor are present Man 1: Yeah, did you see what he said on his wobsite? Search History Author: In solidarity with the many AOL users whose often embarrassing web searches were released to the public, I offer a sample of my own search history: Walking on a rocky desert. Something Awful has a wonderful compilation of crazy AOL searches in their Weekend Web archives, 2006-08-13. Good lord; listening to internet arguments all day? Chairman: Then why did you sit through all those hearings? The next three panels are blank Narrator: if you think the minutes in your morning lecture are taking a long time for _YOU_... Theft of the Magi Girl showing laptop to guy So I'm stuck in this desert for eternity. Took a lot of thinking, but this place has fewer distractions than a swiss patent office. And their sides are 200 dpi display screens which they use for camouflage and communication. The next panel is blank shows an adaptation of the sierpinski triangle fractal, using hearts instead of triangles Girl: But according to this email forward, Santa is secretly a Muslim! Text at the bottom reads "I spent all night reading simple.wikipedia.org, and now I can't stop talking like this. Girl: Okay, the cloned raptors are hunting the last of the cyborgs. If you get your hands on that one, it's the worst place to have a breaking-up conversation. Left outfield: Retrograde wheelbarrow.)) ((The following are dashed lines: A region along the line from first to second base: The Boring Zone. Sierpinski Valentine Two people are talking. center: Happy valentine's day bottom right: -xkcd Especially you mouseover-text readers. Man: But I don't actually like music, I just like being self-righteous on the web. {{title text: Just yesterday I bought my first non-DRM'ed songs (The Last Vegas, in keeping with my ' I only listen to things from Guitar Hero' theme). Man 2: We can't put the broken part in the machine. Person 1 walks out of the panel. Actually, I think if all higher math professors had to write for the Simple English Wikipedia for a year, we'd be in much better shape academically. One of the scientists is holding a glowing implement; she has another rat in her hand and one on her head. We Get It Person 1 returns with a ladder. Person 1: Avatar? Person 1 stands on top of the ladder, shouting through a megaphone. Standing outside the Airport. They appear in this order, from left to right: Sociology, Psychology, Biology, Chemistry, Physics, Mathematics. " to another man speaking energetically at a podium Man is throwing boomerang Holding his hands up, man waits for return Continual waiting Man is dejected, head hangs low Person 1: ... Person 2: You know, if this phase of your relationship lasts more than a week, I'm legally allowed to stab you both. Person 1: So, did I mention I'm seeing someone?

Subtitle: My goal: To make enough money to hire Jeremy Irons, the voice of Scar from The Lion King, to follow me around and do my dialogue. Person: Look, your obsession with sending strange things through the mail is getting out of hand. One person is seen walking from his car up to the driver of the car in front of him. Character 2 stands behind Character 1]] Character 1: You see, statisticians communicate using IPo D -- IP over Demographics. Man in black hat: Yeah, but it would all be with the kind of people who learn Lojban. Map of the Internet Map of the Internet The IPv4 Space, 2006 This chart shows the IP address space on a plane using a fractal mapping which preserves grouping--any consecutive string of IPs will translate to a single, compact, contiguous region on the map. And sometimes I use it to retaliate against the guy upstairs with the loud girlfriend and the elliptical dish. Aragorn and Martin: I'm here to reforge my broken sword so I can lead an army against the tyrant threatening my people. Mouse: Hang on, it's encrypted with my public key. On the other hand, poor Samara -- transcoded to FLV. ON the other side of the room, a computer is turned on and playing music]] Woman: *GASP* MMMMM_ Computer: GO GO POWER RANGERS I didn't even know I *had* the Monty Python ' Lumberjack' song. Radio: Dammit, Harding, it's not worth your neck! Twister would've been a much better movie if they'd cut out the bad-guy storm chaser and all the emotional romance crap. Overqualified [On phone] Girl: I know you're not that into my sister, but she's really crushing on you. Is this paper simply a build-up to an "imaginary friends" pun? I've got to re-mine the driveway.' xkcd Goes to the Airport Man throws boomerang I love elections. Further Boomerang Difficulties The confirmation hearings begin... A man wearing a beret, extension cord in hand, approaches Randall as he works at his computer. Man waits for boomerang]] Outside: Oh God Outside: The Ozone layer! A vertical dashed line runs through the graph, slightly to the right of the peak of the graph. Secretary: Part 3 Stunned, the man wearing the beret looks down at the cord he carries. Senator: It appears you have quite an arrest record. Senator: And you were thrown out of Microsoft headquarters for... Induced Current Dejected, the man walks away, cord in tow. Beret: Can I plug my extension cord over here? The Earth's spin could then induce a strong current in any long conductors, melting them and starting fires. Randall looks up from his computer as he is braced by his girlfriend, a stern look in her face. Beret: Really? The Sierpinski Penis Game A large triangle is shown, with many smaller trianges inside Girlfriend: That was MEAN. The 9 11 truthers responded poorly to my compromise theory. Complexion I get frustrated trying to judge whether acne creams are having any effect. Happiness climbs slightly more steadily and then dips again.

Movies that I know word-for-word, part one The Sierpinski Penis Game Words are in the triangles A person is talking to someone over the phone. A chart is show, on the left hand side is a column "Type of Accident," and on the right hand side is the column "Google Results," each with a bar representing a number Sierpinski game: PENIS! Inappropriate places for the Penis Game include baby showers and terrorist attacks Mail Both are now in front of a computer, the girl leaning in. Phone: Do you think I could mail a running chainsaw to someone? The turn signals of both cars seem to be blinking at the same time.]] Person in Street: Hey, our turn signals are in sync! Person in Street: Usually they're at least a little off. For example, the header of the next packet I send will be encoded into the New Jersey death rate. zo'o ta jitfa .i .e'o xu do pendo mi Working for Google Have you read about Google HQ? Man, I ain't going to be chained down in no corporate idea factory! Each of the 256 numbered blocks represents one 8 subnet (containing all IPs that start with that number). Boy: I guess I've just grown out of the whole obsessive fan mindset. Dangers Dangers Indexed by the number of Google results for "Died in a _____ Accident" A couple sit at the small table of a cafe. Cheap GPS Lecturer stands speechless Girl: Great, It's got 363,104 views already. All you need for a good movie are tornados and scientists. Convincing Pickup Line man holding schematic diagram depiction of transistor in front of his crotch GPS: COLD... Man is suprised Lecturer: It MIGHT not be. There is a sign saying "Airport" and a plane in the background.]] Girl: Okay, what airline? The mathematician stands much further to the right than any other field.]] Psychologist: Sociology is just applied Psychology. Chemist: Biology is just applied Chemistry Physicist: Which is just applied Physics. Mathematician: Oh, hey, I didn't see you guys all the way over there. SUV Driver: Maybe you'll go green next time, asshole! Panel 18: Man throws boomerang banana Man waits I love transistors. Man is gone; Hat Guy is whistling. Two men are standing at some kind of cliff edge Girl who walks in: That was our last banana Girl: You're such an asshole. To the right of the dashed line there is an arrow pointing to the right that is labeled "Awkward Zone". Senator: Is it true you completely disassembled someone's car outside a Starbucks? Senator: You stole a red Fokker triplane and strafed the snoopy float at the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade? Senator: You disrupted a 9 11 truth meeting, insisting the Twin Towers never actually collapsed? Randall: Listen, SOMEBODY has to keep Myth Busters in business. The Myth Busters need to tackle whether a black hole from the LHC could REALLY destroy the world. I believe the truth always lies halfway between the most extreme claims. Figure 2: There's a micro SD card on your table. In the spirit of a controlled trial, I used one on just half my face for a few weeks. time, with two lines--one remains one steady, and one is declining.]] It was cool seeing the effects so clearly, so I got some friends to try different treatments in an impromptu study. More lines indicate a period of dating and then one of engagement.]] and the happiness you've brought me.

A forlorn male in a coat, a male with combed hair, a male with spiky hair and arms outstretched enthusiastically, a female with long hair and cornrows, a shorter female with stringy hair falling over her face, an enthusiastic female with arms raised in celebration with shorter hair, a male with short hair and a goatee, a female with curly hair wearing a dress, and a stern-looking man with flyaway hair. Man: Because I'm totally a poisson distribution. Full scene is revealed: the men are standing at the edge of a huge canyon in a rocky, barren landscape. 569 Iambic Pentameter Person 1: What time can you pick Michael up? Riemann-Zeta poster Man 1: What time is it? two men are talking, one is hat-man Comment: You are like the prime numbers. The woman is on a table and the 2 men are looking at her ]] Man: I love that girl. Woman: You know, I'm active in street theatre and I collect and paint Asian dolls. When I throw the lever, you will feel centrifugal force crush every bone in your body. Laying down rows of rocks. The Mathematics of Cunnilingus f(t) F(w) L(s) Challenges in Frequency-domain analysis This project actually inspired a two-hour powerpoint presentation that Al Gore gave around the country. The sheer number of experiences I could have is uncountable, breathtaking, and I'm sitting here refreshing my inbox. Commented Cuttlefish float out of the tank at man and woman First man: Hey, can you do me a favor? They're a class act, they know their audience, they know exactly what they're doing. Hat Guy: It was taking us a while to move the pumps into the maintenance tunnels. Ponytailed stick figure approaches stick figure, who is sitting on porch steps, laptop in lap and backpack open One day I started laying down rows of rocks. Scientist - "When we realized how intelligent they were, we began to teach them. Cuttlefish: GO." Screen next to him shows two statements, both crossed out in red Cuttlefishes- "Kill the physicists... I'm An Idiot Randall writing on a desk Ponytailed stick figure: Should I ask? Slightly before first base: Downloading Star Trek fanfiction and replacing Riker's name with your Crush's. Between the pitcher and second base: Using the scroll thingy on that one Apple mouse. A line traveling across the second to third baseline, and towards home plate: The orgasm line. Randall - it's an honor to speak to you, some of the brightest innovators from so many fields, about a problem in desperate need of your attention: Randall - How DO you end parenthetical statements with emoticons? Man with briefcase enters the house Screen - "Linux (or BSD :) would..." (in red) "looks mismatched" "Linux (or BSD :)) would..." (in red) "looks mismatched and weird" A guy is looking at a kindle Randall's List - Conferences I'm banned from: Siggraph Eurocrypt Defcon Pycon International Astronomical Union Canadian Paleontology Conference Every American Furry Convention American Baking Society Asian Dolphin-Training Conference TED The IAU ban came after the 'redefinition of 'planet' to include the IAU president's mom' incident.

There is no dialogue. Hat Guy: Hi. Just yesterday I bought my first non-DRM'd songs (The Last Vegas, in keeping with my ' I only listen to things from Guitar Hero' theme). It wouldn't smash the right tiny things together. Kindle A is standing behind B, who is typing at a computer. Girl: A Kindle? The other scientist is on the phone.]] Caged Rat: Squeak! The most brutal way I've ever seen someone handle this was ' Oh, you have a girlfriend. ' ' I, uh, don't know--' ' Well, do you love her? The BBC lead was ' The elusive erogenous zone said to exist in some women may be a myth, say researchers who have hunted for it.' I couldn't read it with a straight face.

Black Hat shoots a rainbow colored ray from his chest - the Care Bear Stare. Hat man is holding his first and second fingers parallel and at an angle, and they are green. The next two panels are just text. Man 1: That's a pretty boring answer. Man 2: It's the least boring answer imaginable. Person 2: Well, I can meet the plane at ten of six. Person 2: I'll meet him at the stairs before the gate. Dreams Camera zooms out slightly A: You should be more careful what you write. We live trapped in loops, reliving a few days over and over, and we envision only a handful of paths laid out before us. Pattern of rocks on a grid. Hat man: Commented! Arrow|Text=null Target=8b. kill the physicists" Waking up from his sleep Ron Paul: You take the blimp and fall back. A diagram of a baseball diamond. Each new row followed from the last in a simple pattern. Box: (That wasn't a question.) Bases and x points are marked, as well as dashed lines covering the field. Man- Along the first base line is "Your Base" "Oh god. Stick figure: I'm locked out, and I'm trying to get my roommate to let me in. Slightly right of that is a binary base: 0110 0010 0110 0001 0111 0011 0110 0101 0010 0000 0011 0010] Second base: Hands under the shirt and or licking Third base: Oral sex (formerly "hands in the pants") Randall Monroe on stage Hat Guy is holding blood stained rags while woman is holding an equally bloody mop A man points to a diagram of a particle accelerator ((The following are x marks. ((dry humping is on the "orgasm" side.)) Between third base and home: "Virginity" (Maginot) line.)) ((Arrows pointing out various other features: An arrow crossing the "Virginity" line: Teens. An arrow crossing the orgasm line in the outfield: Napoleon's forces.)) I once got to second base with a basketball player. TED Talk One of the scientists pulls levers on another machine, which is shooting some kind of ray downwards a a sample. Randall - Hi. Cover-Up The other scientist is operating a machine with a scope, flasks, coils, and bubbles. Hat Guy: Okay, got the blood off the walls. Did you know "gullible" is written on your ceiling? Simple Two scientists in lab coats and goggles place a sample into a machine. ' '...' ' Anyway, what were you saying about the movie? Admin Mourning A stick figure says to another black-hat-wearing figure. Hat guy is holding a golf club and speaking into a P. system Scientist (in panel): Paint flecks from the killer's clothing match an antimatter factory in Belgrade! Actual Science Montage Text above plain stick figure When a user dies, their connections time out, but their screen sessions linger. Poisson Ron Paul tosses his cane aside Man: I'm a poisson distribution! They're standing at the lip of the canyon, which isn't clear at all. Of course, you don't wanna limit yourself to the strict forms of the meter. Attention, shopper Ron Paul steadily transforms into Tron Paul Hat guy: Attention, Hat guy: To the owner of a Dodge Viper SRT-10 with license plate "MYTOY", your lights are on and your windshield was just smashed with a golf club. I'm not sure if this is actually true Snakes on a Plane! We see the same things every day, we respond the same way, we think the same thoughts, each day a slight variation on the last, every moment smoothly following the gentle curves of societal norms. It throws Guy to the edge of the panel, pinned to the wall.]] I really shouldn't abuse that power so heavily. First man and his next line are also green.]] First man: Wait, what does that gesture even mean? Filler Art Light cycle begins to form Text: Sorry guys no comic today. alt-text: And she's gonna feel like a jerk when she realizes it was actually Under Pressure. Tycho's writing continues to astound day after day. Tron Paul bends over the light cycle Light cycle finishes its formation Narrator: RON PAUL evolves into TRON PAUL Light cycle speeds off, trailing an American flag Zoomed out, pattern of rocks, shadow eclipsing it. Zoomed out showing pattern. Bottle is pouring into a flask, and a man takes the flask and drinks from it It's time to draw the line. unplugged cell phone on table With the right set of rules and enough space, Time has passed. I was able to build a computer. I knew it." XKCD - Salutes Bio Majors They examine the sample. If we join you against the chemists, will you train your fleshy minions to leave us alive? The end of the command line is a |grep sam. Stick figure: First I tried her cell phone, but it's off. Woman: I finished the floor Hat Guy: Good; he'll be home any- Oh crap! There's a clock on the wall.]] The processes listed are screen, zsh, irssi, and grep sam. Machine: Colored drawing of a hilly grassy landscape, stick figure leaning against a tree. Male Scientist: Okay, we've determined there's neither barium nor radium in this sample. ' G-Spot A study published in the journal of sexual medicine suggests that the g-spot may not actually exist. A collection of fictional meat based cereals The server's uptime grows because you can't bring yourself to reboot and wipe out their last earthly presence A square divided into 2x2 squares, the top-right one has an 1 in it, the bottom-right one has a 0, the two left ones are empty the ghost in zshell. Copyright Label: Binary Su Doku Man: Sometimes I just can't get outraged over copyright law After reading Slashdot and Boing Boing, sometimes I have to go outside. Your village called they want their idiot back Go away I hate you all DIE. Maybe if this T-shirt is witty enough, someone will finally love me. I accidentally took the Fourier transform of my cat ... That cat has some serious periodic components Meat Cereals A man and a woman are talking to each other Pork Loops Mice Krispies Hammios Frosted Bacon Flakes Scrapple Jacks Honey Bunches of Goats A tribute to Buttercup Festival Su Doku A sky full of jumbo jets is shown in movie poster format. The Ron Paul Revolution blimp begins to sink, smoking more heavily This one is from the Red Belt collection, of 'medium' difficulty. There's a red convertible outside my building with the license plate ' DADS MNY'. Wright Brothers The blimp sinks further Man: I've heard that when the Wright brothers argued, they periodically switched sides in the debate to try to encourage a more balanced conclusion. Woman: It's a neat idea, but I think treating personal issues like a debate will only engender hostility and hurt feelings. 2 Inside the control room, tilted slightly Top of the poster: From the creators of last summer's hit thriller Snakes On a Plane comes: Superimposed on the sky and planes: Snakes... We act like if we just get through today, tomorrow our dreams will come back to us. I don't know how to jolt myself into seeing what each moment could become. A Way So Familiar Person 1: I saw a cute girl outside the bank today. I've gotta go to the doctor to get my thighs rotated. And she's gonna feel like a jerk when she realizes it was actually Under Pressure. I can just see him, reading my uncultured swill masquerading as his florid prose. He's sitting at his desk smiling that condescending half-smile, the corner of his mouth belying the self-assurance of a writer who never misplaces a word. The next panel is blank Girl sitting in front of a console Pilot: Sir, maybe if we dropped all this gold... Stick figure sitting on steps, laptop in lap and gesturing Pilot: We've lost, sir. Secretary: Part 5 Chairman: We were convened here to review your nomination for the position of internet secretary. Each new row of stones is the next iteration of the computation. Unless the CS students finish the robot revolution before you finish the cephalopod one. Reporters stand below a researcher at a podium. A man and a woman are standing, talking to one another Girl: Whoops, one of the Arduino control boards sublimated. Closeup of a shocked Ray. Stick figure: Then I tried IRC, but she's not online. We go live to the researchers' press conference: Silence. Reporter: Is it true you've been unable to find evidence that the g-spot exists? And every day it gets harder to fight the urge to su to the user and freak people out. Teacher (italic): Then England will drift out to sea.I once made an anniversary card for my then-girlfriend with this layout. Woman: Yeah Man: When you go to live somewhere, you learn the language they speak there. The band has the letters "WWED" printed on it.]] The only downside is that it would be a little uncomfortable Gravitational Mass Hat Guy: Gravitational mass is identical to inertial mass. RJX-21 Laser Scope I wish I'd missed you then so I wouldn't be missing you now Back to the Future Silence. Beef looks surprised. Man: This weekend, my professor friend built a time machine out of a De Lorean and I went back in time! A stick figure is holding onto a rope, dangling down one of these passages. Beef: Anyway the point is that you are gonna lose this thing so hard Beef: All cheap Mc D's hamburger to their slabs of steak Beef: A couple 12-oz sirloins garnished with nothing but pure manhood Beef: Maybe some sprigs of parsley Beef: You are pretty much going down Hat Guy and Random Guy are standing next to each other. Map of relationships between 8 people. Man with his hand on his chin, looking at a tree. {{alt: I always wanted to impress them with how well I could hear, didn't you? By just waiting a little longer, we'll get to SEE who was right. Words that End in GRY On a plane Random Guy: There are three words in the English language that end in "gry". Random Guy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Hat Guy: I hope we've learned something today. Maybe just having this conversation means we're lost. String Theory String Theory summarized: I just had an awesome idea. man and woman immersed in playpen balls Single line: friends. Narrator and one other are between two lovers.]] Guys! It's like the traveling salesman problem, but the endpoints are different and you can't ask your friends for help because they're sitting three seats down. Of course on some level I realized it was a known-plaintext attack. Yet one more reason I'm barred from speaking at crypto conferences. Meanwhile, you have no money, half an art degree, and it's the start of winter. The rows (prefixes) are labelled WORLD WIDE, INTER-, BLOGO-, BLAGO- and WEB- ; the columns are labelled NET, WEB, SPHERE, TUBES and BLAG. One of them is hot, but we should each flirt with one of her less-desirable friends. Matrix Transform ( ( cos 90 In fact, draw all your rotational matrices sideways. Person at computer: That's a long drive, it's cold, I'm tired, and rationalizing the familiar is easy. In the next two frames the man at the computer remains at his computer]] When I say we should do something sometime, I'm secretly hoping you'll say ' Why not now? ZF: "Ideas are tested by experiment." That is the _core_ of science. ZF: By teaching people to hold their beliefs up to experiment, Mythbusters is doing more to drag humanity out of the unscientific darkness than a thousand lessons in rigor. mass of playpen balls with speech "I put on my robe and wizard hat" originating from it I'd tap that ass And extract delicious maple syrup. Security Guy: You need to come with - Guy: Sure, sure. black hat man taking gift away from kid with party hat Announcement: If your device has a "Transmit" function, please disable it. Panel 7: (Reference Comic 150) Poof, mote of dust vanishing before man. Boom De Yada Boom De Yada Panel 8: Man holding two rocks, looking at one, with two at his feet. I must have misplaced a rock sometime in the last few billions and billions of millennia. The other, the narrator, has his elbows on the desk and head in his hands, bored with the teacher at the front of the classroom, pointing a pointing stick at the chalkboard. Narration: I take the Jurassic Park approach to parenting. Let's build a million-dollar cluster to crack it. Additional parts include an umbrella on top and a trailer unit consisting a telescoping pole with a matchbox and match on top. Boom De Yada Boom De Yada Panel 9: (Reference Comic 72) George Clinton indicates equations on a blackboard I love your suffering. It's a confusing maneuver known as the auto-troll shuffle. A ferret with airplane wings on it So if you see a mote of dust vanish from your vision in a little flash or something Wide shot of the characters walking through a Calvin and Hobbes-esque alien landscape Referee (out of panel): Go! George Clinton Narrator: I once tried to start the urban legend that George Clinton has a B. in mathematics Two men are talking, one is wearing a black hat Narrator: ..I wanted it to be true so badly that I started believing it myself. Ferret Boy and Girl stand facing; Boy raises his hands in the air while Girl is nonplussed Friend: Why on earth did you make those wings? That is, the amount of inertia something has and the amount of gravity it has are effectively the same. Phone: Well, did you at least get that package of time I sent you? I helped make sure my parents got together and helped my dad to be less of a loser. White text is in the black sections.]] You were afraid that you would disappear, that you would be lost and forgotten. Also, this sets the record for number of awkward-pause panels in one strip (previously held by Achewood)]] I always wanted to impress them with how well I could hear, didn't you? It feels unethical but I find myself wanting to keep quiet about the science just to know for sure. Random Guy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA The fifth panel also applies to postmodernists. Four soldiers are preparing to enter a battlefield; their leader addresses them. Person 1: Kind of scary. Suppose all matter and energy is made of tiny, vibrating "strings". That's What SHE Said Person 1: He doubts she could've done they claimed she did. But I couldn't admit it until I saw it for myself. Not Really Into Pokemon I have found the perfect phrase for condescendingly dismissing anything: Man standing in a blank frame. Man without hat: Have you seen the new ubuntu release? I have never been totally satisfied by the explanations for why e to the ix gives a sinusoidal wave. In the interests of properly propagating the term "blagoblag", the full list of used terms follows: World Wide Web Internet Interweb Intersphere Intertubes Interblag Blogosphere Blagonet Blagosphere Blagoblag Webnet Webweb]] Guy riding longboard with girl sitting onboard -- people in background Boy: I heard about it on the interblag! Sometimes it makes me happy that ' The Tubes' has become slang for the internet so quickly. The first man is pointing off the panel]] First Man: Hey, Dr. Otherwise we risk coming on too strong to the hot one and just driving the group off. Nash): Well, that's not really the sort of situation I wrote about. ' Reload Girl turned around on longboard Leader: Okay men, we're going in. Guy throwing 3 green Koopa Troopa shells; girl throwing 1 red Koopa Troopa shell -- like Mario Kart I'd have sex With that tree. When charged particles of more than 5 Te V pass through a bubble chamber, they leave a trail of candy. [Alt text: To anyone I've taken on a terrible date, this is retroactively my cover story.] To anyone I've taken on a terrible date, this is retroactively my cover story. Guy and girl still on longboard, going up an incline Longboard: diagram showing RSA fingerprint authentication between two people Girl: I feel like we're missing something... The Ron Paul Revolution blimp floats Cory Doctorow's balloon appears Guy: Skating uphill like this is amazing. Guy: Okay - hang on, I'm half way through the iwconfig man page. Panel 10: (Reference Comic 153) A FIRST competition field, with teams at opposite ends. Ninja Turtles Almost one-half green Pilot: Sir! More than one-half green Cory: Ahoy. The clock is at , just about to let class out into another full day of school. Almost completely green Leonardo Roughly half-and-half Michelangelo A legend Donatello Brown Raphael Green Picture of a right hand with fingers curved, thumb pointed away, with axes drawn to demonstrate the right-hand rule of physics Notoriety as a A slightly-open book with labeled axes drawn on. Renaissance artist A handgun with axes. Ninja turtle The henchmen Bebop and Rocksteady have hijacked the musical genres for us just like the Lone Ranger hijacked the William Tell Overture for our parents. Right-Hand Rule radio button Alternatives to the Right-Hand Rule in vector multiplication: radio button Book Rule: Open the front cover along the first vector and the back cover along the second. Returns to the two shot of both men Handgun Rule: Point the grip along the first vector and rotate it so that the second vector is on the safety latch side. To really expand your mind try some noncartesian porn. Boy is looking through box Yes Bar graph titled "Claims of Supernatural Powers" and has two sets of data. HAL: It requires a commitment to science unfettered by human error. Another man stands behind him No (Bots: no lying) They'd use that Futurama episode with Fry's dog, but even spambots cry at that. Woman speaking to the same man from the previous panel Standing Man: I admired Harry Houdini, how he could open any lock and free himself from any restraint. Standing Man: Sure some of it was fakery and showmanship. Easier to escape: n-layered nested quotes or an iron maiden? Now, if you'll bear with me a moment, this next graph shows rainfall over the amazon basin... ' It's either 'your mom' jokes or me' ' Then I, like so many men before me, must reluctantly choose your mom.' Fandom Woman speaking to the same man from the previous panel Boy: Hey, my old Star Wars books! The Data So Far Woman at hospital with doctor, giving birth Man at computer: Weird - My code's crashing when given pre-1970 dates. Guy: Aww, look, it's making friends with the Roomba." Off-panel: Man, I hope it's OK that we're laughing at this. At the bottom of the ramp is a small kicker ramp which will launch him over the bed. Phone on table across room starts vibrating]] Laptop: Connecting to Bluetooth phone... woman moving toward man by means of MC Hammer slide Woman: I think... man and woman moving on electric skateboard Man: Falling for him? A bar Narrator: She never saw him again. Off-panel presenter's voice: Our lab has successfully crossed a spork with a spoon. Panel 23: (Reference Comic 108) The man starts to turn away. Boom De Yada Boom De Yada Panel 24: (Reference Comic 409) Dude is using a computer. Boom De Yada Boom De Yada I love the title-text! (Preemptive response to the inevitable threads arguing about it: you're all wrong on the internet.) Turn-On Standard paw prints through the snow Man: So, the LHC's turning on. Large split-toe tracks and smaller rodent tracks Woman: Hey, I didn't say no. Love, Your grandson,]] I didn't realize how bad my habit of tabbing to Firefox every few seconds to check news sites had gotten until I tried writing on a typewriter. Alternate Currency Television: With the collapse of the dollar, the government has endorsed an alternate currency. These cards fill me with that same reverence, that same intimidation. Retro Virus Cat prints, but with more space between the pairs of prints Dude: Argh, this is frustrating. Dude: This windows box has a virus and I can't get regedit to-- Friend (off-panel): Haha, cleaning viruses? Day 857 of 90 Spirit (thinking): I thought I analyzed that rock really well. Spirit (thinking): But a good rover would keep going. Snow Tracking BACKYARD SNOW TRACKING GUIDE ((Each panel contains an overhead view of tracks through the snow, with a caption indicating the apparent source)) Two similar careening tire tracks CAT Longer rodent tracks, with a large melted ring surrounding a point in the middle of the frame. MOOSE AND SQUIRREL No visible tracks LONGCAT Single deep holes with cratering MOUSE RIDING BICYCLE Round prints that suddenly turn to the right halfway into frame RABBIT STOPPING TO USE HAIR DRYER Human footprints up to a square melting pattern, turning into animal prints LEGOLAS Human footprints up to a rectangular melted area, which are then doubled to another rectangular area, which are then doubled again up to another rectangular area, which are then doubled... BOBCAT ON POGO STICK Right curve on a road, with tire tracks careening out of frame KNIGHT A is standing behind B, who is typing at a computer. KID WITH TRANSMOGRIFIER Black Hat shoots a rainbow colored ray from his chest - the Care Bear Stare. Hat man is holding his first and second fingers parallel and at an angle, and they are green. The next two panels are just text. Out of Frame Garden Owner: MY VEGETABLE GARDEN!

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There is no dialogue.]] Mal, Simon, Wash, Zoe, River, Kaylee, Jayne, Inara, Book. A pock-marked moon and a ringed planet are visible in the burgundy-coloured sky]] Man 1: That's a pretty boring answer. Man 2: It's the least boring answer imaginable. Person 2: Well, I can meet the plane at ten of six. Person 2: I'll meet him at the stairs before the gate. Dreams Camera zooms out slightly A: You should be more careful what you write. We live trapped in loops, reliving a few days over and over, and we envision only a handful of paths laid out before us. Pattern of rocks on a grid. Hat man: Commented! Arrow|Text=null Target=8b. kill the physicists" Waking up from his sleep Ron Paul: You take the blimp and fall back. A diagram of a baseball diamond. Each new row followed from the last in a simple pattern. Box: (That wasn't a question.) Bases and x points are marked, as well as dashed lines covering the field. Man- Along the first base line is "Your Base" "Oh god. Stick figure: I'm locked out, and I'm trying to get my roommate to let me in. Slightly right of that is a binary base: 0110 0010 0110 0001 0111 0011 0110 0101 0010 0000 0011 0010] Second base: Hands under the shirt and or licking Third base: Oral sex (formerly "hands in the pants") Randall Monroe on stage Hat Guy is holding blood stained rags while woman is holding an equally bloody mop A man points to a diagram of a particle accelerator ((The following are x marks. ((dry humping is on the "orgasm" side.)) Between third base and home: "Virginity" (Maginot) line.)) ((Arrows pointing out various other features: An arrow crossing the "Virginity" line: Teens. An arrow crossing the orgasm line in the outfield: Napoleon's forces.)) I once got to second base with a basketball player. TED Talk One of the scientists pulls levers on another machine, which is shooting some kind of ray downwards a a sample. Randall - Hi. Cover-Up The other scientist is operating a machine with a scope, flasks, coils, and bubbles. Hat Guy: Okay, got the blood off the walls. Did you know "gullible" is written on your ceiling? Simple Two scientists in lab coats and goggles place a sample into a machine. ' '...' ' Anyway, what were you saying about the movie? Admin Mourning A stick figure says to another black-hat-wearing figure. Hat guy is holding a golf club and speaking into a P. system Scientist (in panel): Paint flecks from the killer's clothing match an antimatter factory in Belgrade! Actual Science Montage Text above plain stick figure When a user dies, their connections time out, but their screen sessions linger.

Poisson Ron Paul tosses his cane aside Man: I'm a poisson distribution! They're standing at the lip of the canyon, which isn't clear at all. Of course, you don't wanna limit yourself to the strict forms of the meter. Attention, shopper Ron Paul steadily transforms into Tron Paul Hat guy: Attention, Hat guy: To the owner of a Dodge Viper SRT-10 with license plate "MYTOY", your lights are on and your windshield was just smashed with a golf club. I'm not sure if this is actually true Snakes on a Plane! We see the same things every day, we respond the same way, we think the same thoughts, each day a slight variation on the last, every moment smoothly following the gentle curves of societal norms. It throws Guy to the edge of the panel, pinned to the wall.]] I really shouldn't abuse that power so heavily. First man and his next line are also green.]] First man: Wait, what does that gesture even mean? Filler Art Light cycle begins to form Text: Sorry guys no comic today. alt-text: And she's gonna feel like a jerk when she realizes it was actually Under Pressure. Tycho's writing continues to astound day after day. Tron Paul bends over the light cycle Light cycle finishes its formation Narrator: RON PAUL evolves into TRON PAUL Light cycle speeds off, trailing an American flag Zoomed out, pattern of rocks, shadow eclipsing it. Zoomed out showing pattern. Bottle is pouring into a flask, and a man takes the flask and drinks from it It's time to draw the line. unplugged cell phone on table With the right set of rules and enough space, Time has passed. I was able to build a computer. I knew it." XKCD - Salutes Bio Majors They examine the sample. If we join you against the chemists, will you train your fleshy minions to leave us alive? The end of the command line is a |grep sam. Stick figure: First I tried her cell phone, but it's off. Woman: I finished the floor Hat Guy: Good; he'll be home any- Oh crap! There's a clock on the wall.]] The processes listed are screen, zsh, irssi, and grep sam. Machine: Colored drawing of a hilly grassy landscape, stick figure leaning against a tree. Male Scientist: Okay, we've determined there's neither barium nor radium in this sample. ' G-Spot A study published in the journal of sexual medicine suggests that the g-spot may not actually exist. A collection of fictional meat based cereals The server's uptime grows because you can't bring yourself to reboot and wipe out their last earthly presence A square divided into 2x2 squares, the top-right one has an 1 in it, the bottom-right one has a 0, the two left ones are empty the ghost in zshell.

Copyright Label: Binary Su Doku Man: Sometimes I just can't get outraged over copyright law After reading Slashdot and Boing Boing, sometimes I have to go outside. Your village called they want their idiot back Go away I hate you all DIE. Maybe if this T-shirt is witty enough, someone will finally love me. I accidentally took the Fourier transform of my cat ... That cat has some serious periodic components Meat Cereals A man and a woman are talking to each other Pork Loops Mice Krispies Hammios Frosted Bacon Flakes Scrapple Jacks Honey Bunches of Goats A tribute to Buttercup Festival Su Doku A sky full of jumbo jets is shown in movie poster format. The Ron Paul Revolution blimp begins to sink, smoking more heavily This one is from the Red Belt collection, of 'medium' difficulty. There's a red convertible outside my building with the license plate ' DADS MNY'. Wright Brothers The blimp sinks further Man: I've heard that when the Wright brothers argued, they periodically switched sides in the debate to try to encourage a more balanced conclusion. Woman: It's a neat idea, but I think treating personal issues like a debate will only engender hostility and hurt feelings. 2 Inside the control room, tilted slightly Top of the poster: From the creators of last summer's hit thriller Snakes On a Plane comes: Superimposed on the sky and planes: Snakes... We act like if we just get through today, tomorrow our dreams will come back to us. I don't know how to jolt myself into seeing what each moment could become. A Way So Familiar Person 1: I saw a cute girl outside the bank today. I've gotta go to the doctor to get my thighs rotated. And she's gonna feel like a jerk when she realizes it was actually Under Pressure. I can just see him, reading my uncultured swill masquerading as his florid prose. He's sitting at his desk smiling that condescending half-smile, the corner of his mouth belying the self-assurance of a writer who never misplaces a word. The next panel is blank Girl sitting in front of a console Pilot: Sir, maybe if we dropped all this gold... Stick figure sitting on steps, laptop in lap and gesturing Pilot: We've lost, sir. Secretary: Part 5 Chairman: We were convened here to review your nomination for the position of internet secretary. Each new row of stones is the next iteration of the computation. Unless the CS students finish the robot revolution before you finish the cephalopod one. Reporters stand below a researcher at a podium. A man and a woman are standing, talking to one another Girl: Whoops, one of the Arduino control boards sublimated. Closeup of a shocked Ray. Stick figure: Then I tried IRC, but she's not online. We go live to the researchers' press conference: Silence. Reporter: Is it true you've been unable to find evidence that the g-spot exists? And every day it gets harder to fight the urge to su to the user and freak people out. Teacher (italic): Then England will drift out to sea.

I once made an anniversary card for my then-girlfriend with this layout. Woman: Yeah Man: When you go to live somewhere, you learn the language they speak there. The band has the letters "WWED" printed on it.]] The only downside is that it would be a little uncomfortable Gravitational Mass Hat Guy: Gravitational mass is identical to inertial mass. RJX-21 Laser Scope I wish I'd missed you then so I wouldn't be missing you now Back to the Future Silence. Beef looks surprised. Man: This weekend, my professor friend built a time machine out of a De Lorean and I went back in time! A stick figure is holding onto a rope, dangling down one of these passages. Beef: Anyway the point is that you are gonna lose this thing so hard Beef: All cheap Mc D's hamburger to their slabs of steak Beef: A couple 12-oz sirloins garnished with nothing but pure manhood Beef: Maybe some sprigs of parsley Beef: You are pretty much going down Hat Guy and Random Guy are standing next to each other. Map of relationships between 8 people. Man with his hand on his chin, looking at a tree. {{alt: I always wanted to impress them with how well I could hear, didn't you? By just waiting a little longer, we'll get to SEE who was right. Words that End in GRY On a plane Random Guy: There are three words in the English language that end in "gry". Random Guy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Hat Guy: I hope we've learned something today. Maybe just having this conversation means we're lost. String Theory String Theory summarized: I just had an awesome idea. man and woman immersed in playpen balls Single line: friends. Narrator and one other are between two lovers.]] Guys! It's like the traveling salesman problem, but the endpoints are different and you can't ask your friends for help because they're sitting three seats down. Of course on some level I realized it was a known-plaintext attack. Yet one more reason I'm barred from speaking at crypto conferences. Meanwhile, you have no money, half an art degree, and it's the start of winter. The rows (prefixes) are labelled WORLD WIDE, INTER-, BLOGO-, BLAGO- and WEB- ; the columns are labelled NET, WEB, SPHERE, TUBES and BLAG. One of them is hot, but we should each flirt with one of her less-desirable friends. Matrix Transform ( ( cos 90 In fact, draw all your rotational matrices sideways. Person at computer: That's a long drive, it's cold, I'm tired, and rationalizing the familiar is easy. In the next two frames the man at the computer remains at his computer]] When I say we should do something sometime, I'm secretly hoping you'll say ' Why not now? ZF: "Ideas are tested by experiment." That is the _core_ of science. ZF: By teaching people to hold their beliefs up to experiment, Mythbusters is doing more to drag humanity out of the unscientific darkness than a thousand lessons in rigor. mass of playpen balls with speech "I put on my robe and wizard hat" originating from it I'd tap that ass And extract delicious maple syrup. Security Guy: You need to come with - Guy: Sure, sure. black hat man taking gift away from kid with party hat Announcement: If your device has a "Transmit" function, please disable it. Panel 7: (Reference Comic 150) Poof, mote of dust vanishing before man. Boom De Yada Boom De Yada Panel 8: Man holding two rocks, looking at one, with two at his feet. I must have misplaced a rock sometime in the last few billions and billions of millennia. The other, the narrator, has his elbows on the desk and head in his hands, bored with the teacher at the front of the classroom, pointing a pointing stick at the chalkboard. Narration: I take the Jurassic Park approach to parenting. Let's build a million-dollar cluster to crack it. Additional parts include an umbrella on top and a trailer unit consisting a telescoping pole with a matchbox and match on top. Boom De Yada Boom De Yada Panel 9: (Reference Comic 72) George Clinton indicates equations on a blackboard I love your suffering. It's a confusing maneuver known as the auto-troll shuffle. A ferret with airplane wings on it So if you see a mote of dust vanish from your vision in a little flash or something Wide shot of the characters walking through a Calvin and Hobbes-esque alien landscape Referee (out of panel): Go!

George Clinton Narrator: I once tried to start the urban legend that George Clinton has a B. in mathematics Two men are talking, one is wearing a black hat Narrator: ..I wanted it to be true so badly that I started believing it myself. Ferret Boy and Girl stand facing; Boy raises his hands in the air while Girl is nonplussed Friend: Why on earth did you make those wings? That is, the amount of inertia something has and the amount of gravity it has are effectively the same. Phone: Well, did you at least get that package of time I sent you? I helped make sure my parents got together and helped my dad to be less of a loser. White text is in the black sections.]] You were afraid that you would disappear, that you would be lost and forgotten. Also, this sets the record for number of awkward-pause panels in one strip (previously held by Achewood)]] I always wanted to impress them with how well I could hear, didn't you? It feels unethical but I find myself wanting to keep quiet about the science just to know for sure. Random Guy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA The fifth panel also applies to postmodernists. Four soldiers are preparing to enter a battlefield; their leader addresses them. Person 1: Kind of scary. Suppose all matter and energy is made of tiny, vibrating "strings". That's What SHE Said Person 1: He doubts she could've done they claimed she did. But I couldn't admit it until I saw it for myself. Not Really Into Pokemon I have found the perfect phrase for condescendingly dismissing anything: Man standing in a blank frame. Man without hat: Have you seen the new ubuntu release? I have never been totally satisfied by the explanations for why e to the ix gives a sinusoidal wave. In the interests of properly propagating the term "blagoblag", the full list of used terms follows: World Wide Web Internet Interweb Intersphere Intertubes Interblag Blogosphere Blagonet Blagosphere Blagoblag Webnet Webweb]] Guy riding longboard with girl sitting onboard -- people in background Boy: I heard about it on the interblag! Sometimes it makes me happy that ' The Tubes' has become slang for the internet so quickly. The first man is pointing off the panel]] First Man: Hey, Dr. Otherwise we risk coming on too strong to the hot one and just driving the group off. Nash): Well, that's not really the sort of situation I wrote about. ' Reload Girl turned around on longboard Leader: Okay men, we're going in. Guy throwing 3 green Koopa Troopa shells; girl throwing 1 red Koopa Troopa shell -- like Mario Kart I'd have sex With that tree. When charged particles of more than 5 Te V pass through a bubble chamber, they leave a trail of candy. [Alt text: To anyone I've taken on a terrible date, this is retroactively my cover story.] To anyone I've taken on a terrible date, this is retroactively my cover story. Guy and girl still on longboard, going up an incline Longboard: diagram showing RSA fingerprint authentication between two people Girl: I feel like we're missing something... The Ron Paul Revolution blimp floats Cory Doctorow's balloon appears Guy: Skating uphill like this is amazing. Guy: Okay - hang on, I'm half way through the iwconfig man page. Panel 10: (Reference Comic 153) A FIRST competition field, with teams at opposite ends.

Ninja Turtles Almost one-half green Pilot: Sir! More than one-half green Cory: Ahoy. The clock is at , just about to let class out into another full day of school. Almost completely green Leonardo Roughly half-and-half Michelangelo A legend Donatello Brown Raphael Green Picture of a right hand with fingers curved, thumb pointed away, with axes drawn to demonstrate the right-hand rule of physics Notoriety as a A slightly-open book with labeled axes drawn on. Renaissance artist A handgun with axes. Ninja turtle The henchmen Bebop and Rocksteady have hijacked the musical genres for us just like the Lone Ranger hijacked the William Tell Overture for our parents. Right-Hand Rule radio button Alternatives to the Right-Hand Rule in vector multiplication: radio button Book Rule: Open the front cover along the first vector and the back cover along the second. Returns to the two shot of both men Handgun Rule: Point the grip along the first vector and rotate it so that the second vector is on the safety latch side. To really expand your mind try some noncartesian porn. Boy is looking through box Yes Bar graph titled "Claims of Supernatural Powers" and has two sets of data. HAL: It requires a commitment to science unfettered by human error. Another man stands behind him No (Bots: no lying) They'd use that Futurama episode with Fry's dog, but even spambots cry at that. Woman speaking to the same man from the previous panel Standing Man: I admired Harry Houdini, how he could open any lock and free himself from any restraint. Standing Man: Sure some of it was fakery and showmanship. Easier to escape: n-layered nested quotes or an iron maiden? Now, if you'll bear with me a moment, this next graph shows rainfall over the amazon basin... ' It's either 'your mom' jokes or me' ' Then I, like so many men before me, must reluctantly choose your mom.' Fandom Woman speaking to the same man from the previous panel Boy: Hey, my old Star Wars books! The Data So Far Woman at hospital with doctor, giving birth Man at computer: Weird - My code's crashing when given pre-1970 dates. Guy: Aww, look, it's making friends with the Roomba." Off-panel: Man, I hope it's OK that we're laughing at this. At the bottom of the ramp is a small kicker ramp which will launch him over the bed. Phone on table across room starts vibrating]] Laptop: Connecting to Bluetooth phone... woman moving toward man by means of MC Hammer slide Woman: I think... man and woman moving on electric skateboard Man: Falling for him? A bar Narrator: She never saw him again. Off-panel presenter's voice: Our lab has successfully crossed a spork with a spoon. Panel 23: (Reference Comic 108) The man starts to turn away. Boom De Yada Boom De Yada Panel 24: (Reference Comic 409) Dude is using a computer. Boom De Yada Boom De Yada I love the title-text! (Preemptive response to the inevitable threads arguing about it: you're all wrong on the internet.) Turn-On Standard paw prints through the snow Man: So, the LHC's turning on. Large split-toe tracks and smaller rodent tracks Woman: Hey, I didn't say no. Love, Your grandson,]] I didn't realize how bad my habit of tabbing to Firefox every few seconds to check news sites had gotten until I tried writing on a typewriter. Alternate Currency Television: With the collapse of the dollar, the government has endorsed an alternate currency. These cards fill me with that same reverence, that same intimidation. Retro Virus Cat prints, but with more space between the pairs of prints Dude: Argh, this is frustrating. Dude: This windows box has a virus and I can't get regedit to-- Friend (off-panel): Haha, cleaning viruses? Day 857 of 90 Spirit (thinking): I thought I analyzed that rock really well. Spirit (thinking): But a good rover would keep going. Snow Tracking BACKYARD SNOW TRACKING GUIDE ((Each panel contains an overhead view of tracks through the snow, with a caption indicating the apparent source)) Two similar careening tire tracks CAT Longer rodent tracks, with a large melted ring surrounding a point in the middle of the frame. MOOSE AND SQUIRREL No visible tracks LONGCAT Single deep holes with cratering MOUSE RIDING BICYCLE Round prints that suddenly turn to the right halfway into frame RABBIT STOPPING TO USE HAIR DRYER Human footprints up to a square melting pattern, turning into animal prints LEGOLAS Human footprints up to a rectangular melted area, which are then doubled to another rectangular area, which are then doubled again up to another rectangular area, which are then doubled... BOBCAT ON POGO STICK Right curve on a road, with tire tracks careening out of frame KNIGHT A is standing behind B, who is typing at a computer. KID WITH TRANSMOGRIFIER Black Hat shoots a rainbow colored ray from his chest - the Care Bear Stare. Hat man is holding his first and second fingers parallel and at an angle, and they are green. The next two panels are just text. Out of Frame Garden Owner: MY VEGETABLE GARDEN!

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There is no dialogue.]] Mal, Simon, Wash, Zoe, River, Kaylee, Jayne, Inara, Book. A pock-marked moon and a ringed planet are visible in the burgundy-coloured sky]] Man 1: That's a pretty boring answer. Man 2: It's the least boring answer imaginable. Person 2: Well, I can meet the plane at ten of six. Person 2: I'll meet him at the stairs before the gate. Dreams Camera zooms out slightly A: You should be more careful what you write. We live trapped in loops, reliving a few days over and over, and we envision only a handful of paths laid out before us. Pattern of rocks on a grid. Hat man: Commented! Arrow|Text=null Target=8b. kill the physicists" Waking up from his sleep Ron Paul: You take the blimp and fall back. A diagram of a baseball diamond. Each new row followed from the last in a simple pattern. Box: (That wasn't a question.) Bases and x points are marked, as well as dashed lines covering the field. Man- Along the first base line is "Your Base" "Oh god. Stick figure: I'm locked out, and I'm trying to get my roommate to let me in. Slightly right of that is a binary base: 0110 0010 0110 0001 0111 0011 0110 0101 0010 0000 0011 0010] Second base: Hands under the shirt and or licking Third base: Oral sex (formerly "hands in the pants") Randall Monroe on stage Hat Guy is holding blood stained rags while woman is holding an equally bloody mop A man points to a diagram of a particle accelerator ((The following are x marks. ((dry humping is on the "orgasm" side.)) Between third base and home: "Virginity" (Maginot) line.)) ((Arrows pointing out various other features: An arrow crossing the "Virginity" line: Teens. An arrow crossing the orgasm line in the outfield: Napoleon's forces.)) I once got to second base with a basketball player. TED Talk One of the scientists pulls levers on another machine, which is shooting some kind of ray downwards a a sample. Randall - Hi. Cover-Up The other scientist is operating a machine with a scope, flasks, coils, and bubbles. Hat Guy: Okay, got the blood off the walls. Did you know "gullible" is written on your ceiling? Simple Two scientists in lab coats and goggles place a sample into a machine. ' '...' ' Anyway, what were you saying about the movie? Admin Mourning A stick figure says to another black-hat-wearing figure. Hat guy is holding a golf club and speaking into a P. system Scientist (in panel): Paint flecks from the killer's clothing match an antimatter factory in Belgrade! Actual Science Montage Text above plain stick figure When a user dies, their connections time out, but their screen sessions linger.

Poisson Ron Paul tosses his cane aside Man: I'm a poisson distribution! They're standing at the lip of the canyon, which isn't clear at all. Of course, you don't wanna limit yourself to the strict forms of the meter. Attention, shopper Ron Paul steadily transforms into Tron Paul Hat guy: Attention, Hat guy: To the owner of a Dodge Viper SRT-10 with license plate "MYTOY", your lights are on and your windshield was just smashed with a golf club. I'm not sure if this is actually true Snakes on a Plane! We see the same things every day, we respond the same way, we think the same thoughts, each day a slight variation on the last, every moment smoothly following the gentle curves of societal norms. It throws Guy to the edge of the panel, pinned to the wall.]] I really shouldn't abuse that power so heavily. First man and his next line are also green.]] First man: Wait, what does that gesture even mean? Filler Art Light cycle begins to form Text: Sorry guys no comic today. alt-text: And she's gonna feel like a jerk when she realizes it was actually Under Pressure. Tycho's writing continues to astound day after day. Tron Paul bends over the light cycle Light cycle finishes its formation Narrator: RON PAUL evolves into TRON PAUL Light cycle speeds off, trailing an American flag Zoomed out, pattern of rocks, shadow eclipsing it. Zoomed out showing pattern. Bottle is pouring into a flask, and a man takes the flask and drinks from it It's time to draw the line. unplugged cell phone on table With the right set of rules and enough space, Time has passed. I was able to build a computer. I knew it." XKCD - Salutes Bio Majors They examine the sample. If we join you against the chemists, will you train your fleshy minions to leave us alive? The end of the command line is a |grep sam. Stick figure: First I tried her cell phone, but it's off. Woman: I finished the floor Hat Guy: Good; he'll be home any- Oh crap! There's a clock on the wall.]] The processes listed are screen, zsh, irssi, and grep sam. Machine: Colored drawing of a hilly grassy landscape, stick figure leaning against a tree. Male Scientist: Okay, we've determined there's neither barium nor radium in this sample. ' G-Spot A study published in the journal of sexual medicine suggests that the g-spot may not actually exist. A collection of fictional meat based cereals The server's uptime grows because you can't bring yourself to reboot and wipe out their last earthly presence A square divided into 2x2 squares, the top-right one has an 1 in it, the bottom-right one has a 0, the two left ones are empty the ghost in zshell.

Copyright Label: Binary Su Doku Man: Sometimes I just can't get outraged over copyright law After reading Slashdot and Boing Boing, sometimes I have to go outside. Your village called they want their idiot back Go away I hate you all DIE. Maybe if this T-shirt is witty enough, someone will finally love me. I accidentally took the Fourier transform of my cat ... That cat has some serious periodic components Meat Cereals A man and a woman are talking to each other Pork Loops Mice Krispies Hammios Frosted Bacon Flakes Scrapple Jacks Honey Bunches of Goats A tribute to Buttercup Festival Su Doku A sky full of jumbo jets is shown in movie poster format. The Ron Paul Revolution blimp begins to sink, smoking more heavily This one is from the Red Belt collection, of 'medium' difficulty. There's a red convertible outside my building with the license plate ' DADS MNY'. Wright Brothers The blimp sinks further Man: I've heard that when the Wright brothers argued, they periodically switched sides in the debate to try to encourage a more balanced conclusion. Woman: It's a neat idea, but I think treating personal issues like a debate will only engender hostility and hurt feelings. 2 Inside the control room, tilted slightly Top of the poster: From the creators of last summer's hit thriller Snakes On a Plane comes: Superimposed on the sky and planes: Snakes... We act like if we just get through today, tomorrow our dreams will come back to us. I don't know how to jolt myself into seeing what each moment could become. A Way So Familiar Person 1: I saw a cute girl outside the bank today. I've gotta go to the doctor to get my thighs rotated. And she's gonna feel like a jerk when she realizes it was actually Under Pressure. I can just see him, reading my uncultured swill masquerading as his florid prose. He's sitting at his desk smiling that condescending half-smile, the corner of his mouth belying the self-assurance of a writer who never misplaces a word. The next panel is blank Girl sitting in front of a console Pilot: Sir, maybe if we dropped all this gold... Stick figure sitting on steps, laptop in lap and gesturing Pilot: We've lost, sir. Secretary: Part 5 Chairman: We were convened here to review your nomination for the position of internet secretary. Each new row of stones is the next iteration of the computation. Unless the CS students finish the robot revolution before you finish the cephalopod one. Reporters stand below a researcher at a podium. A man and a woman are standing, talking to one another Girl: Whoops, one of the Arduino control boards sublimated. Closeup of a shocked Ray. Stick figure: Then I tried IRC, but she's not online. We go live to the researchers' press conference: Silence. Reporter: Is it true you've been unable to find evidence that the g-spot exists? And every day it gets harder to fight the urge to su to the user and freak people out. Teacher (italic): Then England will drift out to sea.

I once made an anniversary card for my then-girlfriend with this layout. Woman: Yeah Man: When you go to live somewhere, you learn the language they speak there. The band has the letters "WWED" printed on it.]] The only downside is that it would be a little uncomfortable Gravitational Mass Hat Guy: Gravitational mass is identical to inertial mass. RJX-21 Laser Scope I wish I'd missed you then so I wouldn't be missing you now Back to the Future Silence. Beef looks surprised. Man: This weekend, my professor friend built a time machine out of a De Lorean and I went back in time! A stick figure is holding onto a rope, dangling down one of these passages. Beef: Anyway the point is that you are gonna lose this thing so hard Beef: All cheap Mc D's hamburger to their slabs of steak Beef: A couple 12-oz sirloins garnished with nothing but pure manhood Beef: Maybe some sprigs of parsley Beef: You are pretty much going down Hat Guy and Random Guy are standing next to each other. Map of relationships between 8 people. Man with his hand on his chin, looking at a tree. {{alt: I always wanted to impress them with how well I could hear, didn't you? By just waiting a little longer, we'll get to SEE who was right. Words that End in GRY On a plane Random Guy: There are three words in the English language that end in "gry". Random Guy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Hat Guy: I hope we've learned something today. Maybe just having this conversation means we're lost. String Theory String Theory summarized: I just had an awesome idea. man and woman immersed in playpen balls Single line: friends. Narrator and one other are between two lovers.]] Guys! It's like the traveling salesman problem, but the endpoints are different and you can't ask your friends for help because they're sitting three seats down. Of course on some level I realized it was a known-plaintext attack. Yet one more reason I'm barred from speaking at crypto conferences. Meanwhile, you have no money, half an art degree, and it's the start of winter. The rows (prefixes) are labelled WORLD WIDE, INTER-, BLOGO-, BLAGO- and WEB- ; the columns are labelled NET, WEB, SPHERE, TUBES and BLAG. One of them is hot, but we should each flirt with one of her less-desirable friends. Matrix Transform ( ( cos 90 In fact, draw all your rotational matrices sideways. Person at computer: That's a long drive, it's cold, I'm tired, and rationalizing the familiar is easy. In the next two frames the man at the computer remains at his computer]] When I say we should do something sometime, I'm secretly hoping you'll say ' Why not now? ZF: "Ideas are tested by experiment." That is the _core_ of science. ZF: By teaching people to hold their beliefs up to experiment, Mythbusters is doing more to drag humanity out of the unscientific darkness than a thousand lessons in rigor. mass of playpen balls with speech "I put on my robe and wizard hat" originating from it I'd tap that ass And extract delicious maple syrup. Security Guy: You need to come with - Guy: Sure, sure. black hat man taking gift away from kid with party hat Announcement: If your device has a "Transmit" function, please disable it. Panel 7: (Reference Comic 150) Poof, mote of dust vanishing before man. Boom De Yada Boom De Yada Panel 8: Man holding two rocks, looking at one, with two at his feet. I must have misplaced a rock sometime in the last few billions and billions of millennia. The other, the narrator, has his elbows on the desk and head in his hands, bored with the teacher at the front of the classroom, pointing a pointing stick at the chalkboard. Narration: I take the Jurassic Park approach to parenting. Let's build a million-dollar cluster to crack it. Additional parts include an umbrella on top and a trailer unit consisting a telescoping pole with a matchbox and match on top. Boom De Yada Boom De Yada Panel 9: (Reference Comic 72) black hat man taking gift away from kid with party hat I love your suffering. It's a confusing maneuver known as the auto-troll shuffle. Poof, mote of dust vanishing before man. So if you see a mote of dust vanish from your vision in a little flash or something Man holding two rocks, looking at one, with two at his feet. I must have misplaced a rock sometime in the last few billions and billions of millennia. The other, the narrator, has his elbows on the desk and head in his hands, bored with the teacher at the front of the classroom, pointing a pointing stick at the chalkboard. Narration: I take the Jurassic Park approach to parenting. Let's build a million-dollar cluster to crack it. Additional parts include an umbrella on top and a trailer unit consisting a telescoping pole with a matchbox and match on top. Referee (out of panel): Go!

]]